Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Hey, guys? I moved over here. Thought I'd let you know.
Monday, July 21, 2003
I don't understand how people can't laugh at themselves. A lot.
1. Who did you last get angry with? Myself.
2. What is your weapon of choice? I'm really childish.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? I haven't actually hit a man, but if I found the need, yes I would.
4. How about of the same sex? Probably not.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Michael or Jon probably.
6. What is your pet peeve? I'm a grammar/spelling fiend.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I keep them more than I'd like. I go quiet and distant.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you have not done in a long time? I don't shower every day.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? I think I slept until 3 or 4pm before, but that was a long time ago. This summer: 1pm.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Leslie and Madison.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "I lost them in my room" as a reason for why I didn't wear a pair of pants.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yes, a few times.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? When I climbed Diamond Head on Oahu.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Mom woke me up.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Every once in a while when I go to Starbucks I like.. I think it's called a White Choc. Mocha with extra cream. I can't remember.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Non meat eater.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Not so much, just that bit under my butt.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Salty sometimes.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? Can't say that I ever have, no!
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 2.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? 1.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? haha, yes!
4. Have you "done it"? Yes.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Hands, eyes, back.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No, but Mike has! Hahah!
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? No.
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? None.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Forever 21.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Pay Mom and Dad's bills, buy Michael his Hawaiian dream shack and then get something for myself.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? For a while. I'm not sure I could make the long term commitment, but I could for a while.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Nothing major.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Probably around 1000.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Aw, crap. I'm not sure I've done much to be most proud of it.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? It's going to be graduating highschool and being the first of the grandchildren to go to college.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? I'd like to graduate college, and find something to do with the rest of my life that I'm actually going to enjoy. I want to keep taking photographs, and maybe have a couple of shows.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Yeah, but I'm lazy and competitive, so it's really not very smart.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Very few times.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yep.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I'm nearly done overhauling my room.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Mike's new guitar.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? As in another family? Mike's, but they don't even live near us.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? I'm not sure.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? My nose is too big sometimes.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Something like Michael's creative streak. He's good at everything.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No, not in paticular, because then I'd have been sitting here for hours thinking up silly questions.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? :P
Sunday, July 20, 2003
I just made a huge mess. It was a bit of a disaster. I took over the dishes tonight because my brother got a blister, or something.. and I was doing a bit of a balancing act while I tried to clean out the fridge to fit something in, and BAM! I nearly dropped the dish onto both of my feet..but luckily I only broke the dish onto the floor and spilled the sauce all over the kitchen instead!
Saturday, July 19, 2003
I'm going to see How to Deal tonight, with my MOM. Yeah, as if you thought seeing a pop star's movie couldn't be bad enough. If someone could promise me her cut would look good on me, I'd go for it. I think it's great.
Friday, July 18, 2003
My tan from Oahu is nearly gone. Yesterday I started dusting and cleaning my room down pretty well, rearranging a little bit. I was supposed to call the family Michael is getting the free Gibson Les Paul from, but I had a wrong number. I guess he'll have to sort that out with his mother. There have been various thunderstorm warnings around my county, and I hope we get some sort of action.
My day has been spent picking up the house and vacuuming something thorough; basically avoiding the mess I made in my room. I need to get back on that. I'm a little tired, Michael called and woke me up late last night, and after we hung up I got back online and chatted with my friend Nathan for a while. I think it was until about 3AM. But I didn't get up today until 1pm! That's the latest I've slept in all summer.
I'm getting my hair cut Tuesday. I'm pretty excited about it, even if I'm still not exactly sure what the new look is going to be. I've got some ideas. It's just time for a change man, the long hair is getting old. And I'm getting old...er, that is.
The end of the month/beginning of August is going to be really busy. I think around the 24th I'm leaving to El Paso because my uncle's getting married. I've got to be back in Arizona by the 29th for school registration. And THEN is my birthday on the first. And my baby's coming home that day!! I'm so excited. The first day is always the best. His mom's going to be gone that whole weekend also, so we'll be taking full advantage of that. Probably a couple of sleep-overs and late night movies.
As if that wasn't enough! Right before school, I think like the 7th and 8th of August, I'm going to go on their summer mini-vacation. (After being in Hawaii so long during the summer visiting their dad, they've started to take 'time outs' with their mom, usually to California. We went last year to Disney Land.) I'm not sure which park or attraction we're actually going to; I've heard rumors of Lego Land and things like that, but whatever it is it's in San Diego, and I'm not sure whats there? But! Mike called me all excited saying we were going to get to go to the beach, too, and that if there are any waves I'm learning how to surf this time no matter what. I didn't get the chance to in Hawaii on the south shore. So I'm really excited about that. The best part of all, I'm going absolutely for free this year, as a birthday present from their mom! I'm so fucking spoiled.
I guess I'll get back to work now.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Some nights I just feel like driving with the windows down, the volume low, the wind through my hair. No makeup, no bra. At night the glare hurts my eyes but I remember how it
feels better than the Arizona sun. It's so hot here and I get so jealous seeing pictures of people where the sun does not hurt and they can sit infront of an open window and bathe in it and I wish I was back on Oahu.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Guys, I'm working on a layout with Christina's help! I know absolutely nothing about photoshop, and she's being a doll and basically HOLDING MY HAND through every step. Poor girl. But look for me soon over there.
And Jennifer, get ready to pay up! :)
Monday, July 14, 2003
rottenapplemary: this bagel has something in it
rottenapplemary: and i cant figure it out
rottenapplemary: but it kinda stings my tongue
rottenapplemary: like little spicy stuff or something? what the heck.
christina: in a BAGEL?
rottenapplemary: yeah i know right. you go to have breakfast and youre like WHOA
rottenapplemary: what the hell is the matter with that bagel?
rottenapplemary: they were in an unmarked zip lock bag
rottenapplemary: but i swear i saw my mom eating from them
rottenapplemary: so they must be ok
christina: lol
christina: you might wanna leave unmarked ziplocks alone from now on
rottenapplemary: lol
rottenapplemary: yeah cos they tricked me i mean
rottenapplemary: all i could smell were the seeds on the other one
rottenapplemary: there i am thinking its an innocent, non seeded bagel
rottenapplemary: but oh no
christina: lol
Saturday, July 12, 2003
We've got another heat advisory for tomorrow. Tonight at 8:30pm it was still around 111 degrees.
Friday, July 11, 2003
I am just totally amazed. Wondering what I'm talking about? Check out Jenny's new layout. And welcome her back while you're there.
Wednesday, July 9, 2003
Oh, by the way? I forgot to mention that Hawaii was AWE-INSPIRING and that I fell in love with Oahu and my boyfriend-- all over again. Maybe I'll have a real entry about this when I finally move in, over here. Now if only my computer would work with me.
Sunday, July 6, 2003
No, I haven't forgotten about this place. Things have been a little stressful lately, not in any way really besides an emotional way, and I've needed a little time to calm down. I talked to a few friends along the way, and finally Michael, and I'm feeling better.
I've started two projects, one being a layout for my space over at Christina's domain I've been supposed to have moved into months ago, as well as sort of curtains for my totally disorganized and rather tragic closet. Mom and I purchased the tension bar yesterday, which I'm using instead of the traditional curtain rod, and today I had her go to two stores with me to find the fabric. Neither store had exactly what I wanted, something similar to the print Michael's dad has in Hawaii, but I found something cute and suitable. My room needs a little bit of bright color for a pick-me-up since my parents decided white would be the only color to grace these walls.
I've already measured and pinned both sides of the one sheet. I'm going to tackle the other after dinner, and I need to call Michael's mom to ask whether or not I can make use of her sewing machine, which I am counting on, because we've got nothing but an ancient version.
Maybe I'll post pictures when I'm done. Hope your fourth was well, USA dwellers.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Christina showed me this, so I thought I'd go for it. Give you something to read this week while I'm gone if you're bored, hmm?
1. Newspapers or magazines? It depends on my mood, normally magazines
2. Books-on-tape or regular books? Regular books
3. Paperback or hardcover? Hardcover
4. Fiction or non-fiction? Fiction
5. Sci-Fi/Fantasy or romance novels? Sci-Fi Fantasy
6. Borrow from library or buy books (either new or used)? Borrow first because I'm always short on cash
7. Subscribe to magazines or buy on newsstand? I buy my favorite on a newsstand, I wish I could get a subscription
8. Current best-sellers or classic literature? I enjoy both, right now I'd be in the mood to see what's out there; so current best sellers
9. Read books once, or re-read favorites every so often? Read books once, so one day I can finish the entire Glendale Public Library ;)
10. Here in the U.S., we have two hot best-sellers...former First Lady Hillary Clinton's memoirs, and the new Harry Potter book (coming out June 21). If you had to read one, which one...Hillary or Harry? Why? Harry Potter. I can't wait for it to come out.
Monday, June 16, 2003
So, I'm leaving on Wednesday, and I can't find my automatic rewind for my camera or the bottoms of my black bathingsuit.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
AHEM: I got this from Christina, and she got it from somewhere else. These answers are MINE. (LOL Christina).
4 things you would eat on the last day of your life:
-Vegetarian lasagna
-One of those really big, and really good veggie burrito wraps from Burrito Bandito
-French fries dipped in a choc. milkshake
-Cheese cake
4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
-Counting Crows; Across a Wire, Live in NY
-The Beatles; Abbey Road
and I can't think of anything else.
4 movies that you watch over and over:
-Hackers
-Amelie
-Blue Crush
-Lilo & Stitch (man, I'm mature AND have a great taste in movies.)
4 vacations you have taken:
-Disney Land
-Texas (Doesn't count as a vacation, cos its EL PASO)
-New York (Out in bumpkin country somewhere for my grandmother's funeral)
-Hawaii, well, in a week or so anyway
4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:
-That Jason Mraz song
-THE LAME PINK party song, die die die
-Blitzkrieg Bop; The Ramones
-A couple of Led Zepplin/ AC/DC songs
4 things you'd like to learn:
-Spanish (5 years in school and I still can't speak it fluently)
-Guitar ("Learning" since 7th grade)
-How to print using medium format negatives/to print on 11x14 paper
-To Surf
4 beverages you drink frequently:
-Water
-Dr. Pepper
-Pepsi
-Hawaiian Punch
4 TV shows that you liked when you were a kid:
-Fraggle Rock
-Full House
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
-My Little Ponies
4 things to do when you're bored:
-Sleep
-Hang out online
-Watch TV
-Bug my boyfriend
4 things that never fail to cheer you up:
-Michael/Christina
-Really cheesy surf movies
-Retail therapy (sometimes)
-Getting mail
4 celebrities you would have sex with:
-Angelina Jolie
and I can't really think of anyone else at the moment.
Tuesday, June 3, 2003
I don't feel nice.
And that last comment was directed at someone else.
I say I'm going to go drive around, but that really means head to Mike's house to knock on his window and hopefully lay with him a while.
Tuesday, June 3, 2003
Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want you here.
Sunday, June 1, 2003
I don't write anymore. Not really. I used to have these words that would fit together perfectly, this golden idea in my head. It was never about fiction, they say you write best when you write what you know. Often times when he was gone he would say, let's write a song, and I'd say no, but I've got these things written, if you want to make a song out of it, go ahead, and he'd switch them around without changing the meaning too much and it'd come out something extraordinary and he'd spend a couple more minutes praising my work, this thing that had been created, when it really wasn't so much mine as his.
Friday, May 30, 2003
Kyle: But I can't have Chris... straight bastard
I just couldn't resist.
Friday, May 30, 2003
1. What do you most want to be remembered for?
Someone who spent time learning how to live and loved to experience everything.
>
2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?
All of the cliche things, like "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"
3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?
Growing a lot. Facing fears. Finally having a piece of my own in a show.
4. What about the past ten years?
Hot damn, I've only been alive for 17, and I haven't even had the chance to graduate high school yet.
5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?
Dont sweat the small stuff--forget the drama, and ever being embarassed; nobody'll remember in a couple of days or years anyway.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
Do you ever wonder if you've ever really effected someone, either positive or negative? I keep finding things written about me on this tangled web, and I really don't know what to say anymore. How am I supposed to make you not think I'm a horrible person? I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you enough, or that we had bad experiences in the past, and that I thought we were friends. I considered us friends. It's nice to know you don't, and I'm only here for the drama and the blocking and some other girl to rant about on your journal. I'm sorry that you ever had feelings for me, and that you talked to some boyfriend of mine who you had no business talking to. Didn't you wonder why I never introduced you to him? If he had been a normal person, I would have. But he wasn't. He wasn't going to be nice, he was going to be harsh, he was going to be cruel, because you were who you were. Even if you were nobody to him. But you are somebody to me and I tried to keep the two seperate. I may have not done everything right, but what is it that you want? I don't understand, and maybe you don't want me to. Maybe that's the fun in it all.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
As of yesterday afternoon, it is official. I'm going to Hawaii on the 18th of June to the 25th. Want me to bring you anything back?
Michael's mother is going to give both me and the girl who I will be flying with $50 to sit over a couple hours a day at the house to be with the animals who hate to be alone while she's off in Cancun with her sister so that we can have spending money while we're there. But if you'd like to donate... ;)
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
I'm back from Texas. It wasn't as bad as it could have been.
I'm stuck. I've created two layouts, both of which are shit. I'll keep trying, but I really just want to get something up and move in already.
Christina's got another rad layout up. Go check her out, and remind her I'll be there SOON!
Friday, May 23, 2003
I hate Texas. More than I hate sneezing on my arm, like I just did. See you in a couple days, when I get back from Shithole, Texas. Oh, and Abi, on the totally OFF chance that you read this--I forgot to scan and send you the paper on the Polaroid transfer process that we were talking about. I'll try and convince my boyfriend to do it while I'm gone.
Have a good weekend, everybody.
Sunday, May 18, 2003
I've got two more early-early out days of school left. (As in about 10:15, I think.) Tomorrow I've got to turn in a summary, nothing big, and figure out how I'm going to push back returning the tripod I picked up and found broken when I borrowed it for the Grand Canyon trip, for at least one more day. Until I can tell Mom and get looking for a replacement. Shit, I'm in trouble. And then take a math final.
Tuesday I've got a history final exam, and have to figure out how to pull myself out of my shithole in my Spanish class. She hasn't recieved all of the papers I've turned in, and I don't know if she's going to be down with me making sure she "has them" now. I think I'm just screwed there, but I'll try my best.
But then I'm done, so I don't really give a shit.
Ahem. My initial point was: then I'll finally have time to get my stuff up over at Powdered Rain, FINALLY. (Right Christina and Jennifer? :)) I'm excited about that, but be warned. The layout will SUCK. But I'll try harder, after that.
Friday, May 16, 2003
I have nothing interesting to say. I'm on my way back to bed. But first...
1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?
We have a purifier on our tap, and I like it better than a lot of bottled waters.
2. What are your favorite flavor of chips?
I like sour cream and onion a lot. I'm not sure what my favorite is though.
3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?
I can't cook very much, but I'm simple and like pasta and mac 'n cheese. I make good salads, but it's not like it's very hard.
4. How do you have your eggs?
I don't care for eggs much.
5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?
Michael and I made tacos--with seasoning and everything in the meat for him, beans for me, fried potatos, all that good stuff. Mom sort of cooks; if by cooking you mean heating things up in a microwave.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
I guess today was the first birthday of my grandmother's to pass since she died in December. Maybe that's why it's been so extra bad. I miss her.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
I'm not having a good day. I don't know what to say anymore.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
I'm having one of the worse days I've had in a while. I should be in my fourth hour class, but I'm stuck at my boyfriend's house waiting for a call back from my mom to tell me what I should do, if she's going to bring me money for gas (I'm on empty and scared to go too far away from a gas station), while I sit staring at this stupid unlabeled CD which I thought was blank and thus can't burn my presentation onto. Oh, it's the little things in life.
Friday, May 9, 2003
1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?
No, not at all. I am the most unorganized person. Why? I guess I'm just too lazy.
2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?
I have one with me, because it's my pass to get out of my classes, but I hardly ever use it. When I do, I never remember to look in it anyway.
3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?
Not at all. I'm a slob.
4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?
I don't alphabetize them. We've got certain places for all of them, and they're in their places, but not in any special order.
5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?
My brian. I can't seem to remember anything.
Thursday, May 8, 2003
I'm having one of those days. My friend Preston explained it pretty well: "one of those days where it wouldn't take much to make you feel better but it never comes."
Yes. I think that's about it. Though I think today I'd edit it to "just hasn't come yet."
Thursday, May 1, 2003
I'm just going to pretend that I don't have a paper due in two days and hope it goes away.
Sunday, May 4, 2003
Just a warning: this is severely boring. Skip over this bit, it's just for me, because I can't find any blank paper.
1. End of term research essay
2. 80s Project
3. Spanish letter project, last letter
4. Catch up on Spanish homework, 15 zeros in assignments by the 12th of May
5. Late register for June 7 SATs
6. Artists Statement
7. Photo Journal for last Friday
Saturday, May 03, 2003
The format at Vasa was changed, and they didn't give out 1st, 2nd, 3rd awards. The sponsers, I think it was, instead got to hand out things to chosen recipients instead. Michael didn't recieve anything, and was down about it, but that's okay.
Last night our teacher's gave up their gallery space for a student show. Mike and I left early to help set up. I'm glad we did, because we were the only ones there for the photo department. Michael sold a piece for $75. I'm so excited for him. He had a huge smile on his face for about an hour after.
We also walked farther downtown with our photo teacher to see the Linda McCartney exhibit. It was brilliant.
I should be working on my research essay today, while Mike's at driving school, but I'm having trouble finding the one from last semester on my computer. I can find bits and pieces. I'm not very sure how we're supposed to go about it without the one from last semester, when my AIM teacher actually lost the stack of them. Maybe I'll just work on it tomorrow. It's due Tuesday. :/
Sunday, April 27, 2003
Hey guys, I just recieved an email from a friend of mine about The Animal Rescue Site that goes a little something like this:
"Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of
daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know:
www.theanimalrescuesite.com"
If you wouldn't mind, take a couple seconds and click. It's right up my alley, I'd definately appreciate it, as would they. Thanks so much!
Sunday, April 27, 2003
The VASA competition/show is today. We're leaving about 1-ish. I must say, I'm a bit excited.
Yesterday, Mike had the bright idea of shooting his photo montage on the roof of his house. So it was him, me, and his newly-13 year old sister crawling up there with a ladder a couple of feet much too short, hauling my dad's borrowed shop light, guitar, and other things onto the roof. I had on torn and bleached (via Mike's experiment) jeans, a strange union jack teeshirt, even more strange purple eyeshadow (a la Mimi on The Drew Carey Show), holding a guitar. Not to mention, in a very strange, very cheesy pose. It's the whole cheese factor deal. We're dropping them off before the trek out to Surprise, AZ, to VASA, so we'll see how that turns out.
But anyway, I should really head into the shower. And yesterday, I tried some of that tan-from-a-bottle? How'd it turn out? Just call me Little Miss Streaky.
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
I'm very tired. I just thought you should know.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
I've noticed a strange correlation between the amount of time between updates, and the amount of daily visits I recieve. The longer between updates, the higher the count goes. What is it with you guys? :)
Life's going pretty well I suppose. The end of the semester is basically upon us, and mom yelled about my grades today. Probably for the first time. I'm not doing so hot.
Michael recieved his scores for the ACT today, however I did not. I don't think I'm going to do so well on that either, I had no idea what to expect.
I'm tired though, and this is all irrelevant. Goodnight.
Sunday, April 20, 2003
A little boy shot me from the side of the road with a little toy gun as I drove home. I should have played dead.
Sunday, April 20, 2003
I stayed the night at Michael's last night. Shhh. If mom asks, it was Antonnet's.
His mom and sister are in New Orleans, and his aunt was busy and didn't stay the night with him. So, I did. We lounged around all day, saw Anger Management later that night, then went to Safeway for milk for cereal and Blockbuster all just before midnight, when they closed. We watched Detroit Rock City because I've never seen it before, and went to bed about 1:30am. It was nice. He hogs the bed, though. We woke up around 7am because we'd set the alarm, and we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and played Mario Brothers 3 on the computer. I cleaned up a little bit, we went back to blockbuster for a couple movies (one of which was Harry Potter 2) and now I'm home because Mom wanted me to get my Easter things and spend a little time at home.
I'm such a little kid. Sometimes I wonder how he's into me. Happy Easter, or whatever.
Friday, April 18, 2003
I'm so spoiled. I'd just like to state that. My lovely
Christina has a space all ready for me on her domain, I've just got to simply move in. I promised I'd have a "layout" by the end of this weekend. So far, I have nothing. Anybody willing to make anything for me? Anything at all? I'd appreciate it. But until pigs fly, I guess I should try and work on that tomorrow.
Monday, April 14, 2003
What can I say? It's been the same old thing. I freak and stress out all week, and can't seem to manage to post.
Alix, the friend who was throwing herself at Mike over Spring Break, apologized to me the other day in our first hour. Well, she tried to. She told me she was sorry and that she doesn't know me (she's a very on the surface type of person, so you'll have to take that comment from that perspective), and that she had problems expressing herself because of that, but that she's sorry she lied to me, etc etc, then she started crying and my maternal instincts came out full force, I gave her a big hug, told her to stop crying, and that everything was okay. I think I can finally move on now, though, I really needed to hear her admit she had lied and apologize. I needed that to move on, and if that sounds wrong to you, I don't care. I can get over the feelings of hurt and betrayal now. I'm not sure our friendship will really be the same, but it's a start, I'm willing to have one again whereas before that was a whole different story.
Michael is constantly telling me that I don't participate in LIFE. Not as in having emotions, having friends, going out, or that sort of thing. When I need to talk to someone, get out of my little comfort zone--ie, the person behind the counter, making phone calls to establishments, that sort of thing, I just completely flail. I see myself doing it. I just sort of let myself go, limp, and fumble my words. I can't really explain it, I'm not a shy person, I guess it all leads back to those inner issues everyone's got, and I've got some complex about being judged, or something, who knows. But tomorrow requires this sort of interaction, so I'm a bit anxious about it. It's about time for me to grow up.
Friday, April 11, 2003
I have some advice to give on how to be insensitive.
Thursday, April 3, 2003
I guess an explanation is sort of in order. I went to the Grand Canyon this weekend on a 'photo club field trip.' I had fun, there were 21 of us. It was really cold, and I had problems with my camera, breaking the tripod I was borrowing from a friend, and getting up at 4AM each morning.
I got to know my friend Madison more; we stayed up all night Friday night together.
I'll be back soon.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
This is strange. I guess Nate's friends have been reading. I'm not sure if I like the attention. We'll see.
;)
Saturday, March 29, 2003
I don't know what to say, you know? There's this girl, and she's really doing my heart in. More like kicking it repeatedly when she's supposed to be my friend. Not really even my friend, the sister of a friend who makes her sister feel bad if she doesn't let her hang out and pretend her friends are her friends too. I don't know how to deal with it, I talked to her tonight about the things she's been doing and she "didn't know" and she "doesn't like him" and she would "never pursue it" but I really don't believe her when she's been throwing herself CONSTANTLY and in front of me and everyone else at him. She couldn't just "not know", if you were here, you would know what I mean.
It's really breaking my heart, because he gets angry at me and can't understand why it's doing me in so badly. Sometimes I feel like just walking away from it all because it's always going to be hard, but I think walking away would be harder because I know what I would be throwing away. Part of me thinks he'll do it first, and he just might.
I don't know what to say anymore. I can't speak and I wish I spoke less. I think I've heard that somewhere before.
Sometimes I have these morbid sensations like; what if yesterday I had gotten hurt in that accident instead of being okay? What if today when that person cut me off, I would have gone speeding off the road and into that brick wall? I think it's normal to think like that sometimes, though maybe normal isn't exactly the right word. But I think most people do it.
I wish I'd just go mute. Things would be a lot less complicated.
Friday, March 21, 2003
I just wanted to let those of you know, my uncle is reported as safe, as it was not his battilion. (Excuse me if I don't use the right termanology, my parents were in the Air Force and not the Army.)
But I wanted to say I feel for those who didn't recieve such good news. My thoughts are with you.
I don't know what to say other than that. Oh, and I hate war.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Came home from the commissary just a bit ago.. Sanchez was there doing carts. Mom and I came home to a message from her sister. My Uncle that I've been mentioning was deployed from Fort Bliss and she heard on the news today that 5 of the army troops deployed from there are dead and another 5 are POW. I'm really scared about my uncle.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
So, the plan is a date this week on some day other than Tuesday or Thursday, is to grab my boy, meet another one up there, and hop on over to Hooters. I've never been, neither has Richard, and Mike had his first "awakening" there when he was young, if you know what I mean. ;)
Should be fun. I'll let you know.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
I really need to not get yelled at today. To just have him listen, and not yell. I don't do it to him, it's really unfair.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
My friend Danielle wants to use me as a model for a photoshoot. She found all of these drawings where the figure was deep in shadow except for a few limbs. She mentioned how the other day I'd been talking about how white my skin is, (insanely so for living in Arizona most people think) and thought I'd be the perfect one. She said I'd have to wears shorts, of course. I haven't worn shorts in a very long time.
However, I'm very interested and told her I'd model for her sometime. She's got to do it soon though, this is the end of her senior year. I really hope we get to it. We'll see though.
Today's been a mostly good day. I'm still not really sure what to say about some things. Things with Mike and I are shifting, while we've talked about them and agreed they were for the better and this is what needs to be done I'm still trying to figure out if it's going the way it was planned or if it's veering a little out of control.
We'll see, though. Like I said to my friend Sanchez, I don't want to assume things, but I don't want to be blindly naive, either. I'm taking note.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
I'm going to make this short because my left wrist is really starting to hurt from typing, but I just wanted to say a few things.
I'm not saying whether or not I am for or against war, but I would just like to say that I have had an uncle over there since the day before Thanksgiving and that my boyfriend's father is active duty stationed in Hawaii and Mike is just hoping he doesn't get deployed. And I just wanted to let any of you out there know, if you're in a situation similar to this, or just need someone talk to about things, I'm willing to be here for you. Just drop me an email, it's at the bottom of this post. Just put "war" or something in the subject line so I will be sure not to delete it.
I feel like that's all I can really do. Someone's here.
Tonight was pretty shitty, but it ended all right. I am horrible in the studio. I shot today, guess what I did after I had to go home for the camera I LEFT THERE? (gah) I toppled over the background system. Yeah, no lie. Granted it's twenty years old and my photo teacher made it out of pvc pipe, but really? No one's knocked it over. Luckily he wasn't there, but Mike and the two freshman bestfriends we were shooting, were. Oh, memories.
Saturday, March 15, 2003
I'm such a fucking emotional SPAZ. Jesus fucking christ! I should come with a warning label, for sure.
I'm actually quite ashamed of myself. I can't believe I accused him of what I did. Especially after today and last night. Seriously.
/end angsty post
Saturday, March 15, 2003
A letter.
I know it's not fair for me to ask you anything, but I'm feeling really down today and I was wondering if you have any advice.
x
Saturday, March 15, 2003
Where do photo students in Arizona get the idea that it isn't appropriate to shoot if there are any clouds in the sky whatsoever? Is it because we almost never have any? I'm confused.
But anyway, thanks California, for the rain.
Saturday, March 15, 2003
I've spent an UNGODLY amount of hours on this damn computer this weekend. I really don't miss it.
Friday, March 14, 2003
Right, so, I've been trying sporadically all day long to come up with a layout for this piece of shit. Let's just say it's not going so well.
I almost hit a dog today. I didn't hit him, but nearly, luckily the person behind me reacted fast enough to stop in time to avoid hitting me, too. I think it crossed the busy avenue okay. A golden lab. I was too busy crying.
Not so good. I think I'm going to go over to Delias to spend some money, to make myself feel better. Retail therapy.
Friday, March 14, 2003
First order of business? Filling out the Friday Five for maybe the second time ever.
1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?
Yes, I do, it's just a lot more personal sometimes.
2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Some strange lady just called my cell phone two seconds ago actually and asked "Who's this? Sonya, who's this?" I hung up. I've been getting so many damn strange people calling my number lately.
3. About how many telephones do you have at home?
One in my parents room, one in mom's office, and a cordless that rests in the kitchen.
4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?
Probably me according to that last phone call..lol. My friend Antonnet just randomly hangs up sometimes after she's said her piece. It's a bit annoying.
5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not?
It depends on who it is and what the circumstances are. If it's Michael, I'd just call him. There's a few people that I'd rather email though.
Mike left for Prescott this morning around 9AM or so. He's going up there with a school sponsored event, "Unitown." It's really not his crowd, but his old Spanish teacher that he adores nominated him so of course he's going, and he's going to get a chance to shoot with my photography teacher, so he's really excited about that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing the concept, I think it's a good thing. Promoting togetherness, acception of certain groups, etc, but I've been teasing him about it. He's normally pretty quiet and keeps to himself. Having a perfect stranger hug him and cry on his shoulder just doesn't seem like something he'd be adapted to. But hopefully he'll get something out of it, if there's anything to get.
Gah, I'm trying to be so politically correct here. I think it's got a good purpose but just sounds kind of lame. lol.
But I have a million things I need to do this weekend while Mike's away. This gives me time to concentrate. I'm the suck at managing my time. That, and all of the few times I've created them, I'm good at loosing "to-do" lists. I'll write it here and we'll see how it goes.
1. Complete AIM review sheet
2. Study presidents and events under tenure
3. Scan portfolio for Christina and my devart account
4. Finish geometry project
5. Find a model--figure out when would be best for them to book studio time
6. Wash and clean out car - two for one: try wearing a tank top during the process, it's cool to not like rigor mortis sometimes
7. Try out those Crest white strips, each day a half an hour
8. Put gas in my car
9. Hang up clothes and clean room
10. Help mom out around the house
11. Finish over due Spanish assignments
12. Laundry
13. Try to finally ask dad about the Hawaii trip posibilities
14. MAKE A LAYOUT FOR THIS LAME PAGE. (Help Christina plot against me to keep me in line this weekend)
I'm sure there's other things, but these are definately a priority. I'm going to chit chat to my friend Brandon for a couple of minutes, then get my butt moving on things.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
I keep trying to tell myself it's almost the weekend. Almost.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Mornings are never gentle in the Arizona summertime.
Sunday, March 9, 2003
Mike and I learned how to layer last night in some photo program that came with his new flat screen computer. I see it as an accomplishment for a boy who hates computers and a girl who's only ever used two graphics programs- Microsoft paint and MGI PhotoSuite from 1996 or older.
Sunday, March 9, 2003
Sometimes there are people in my life, that need to stay in the past, but they refuse to, every so often.
I woke up around 7:30AM or so this morning, couldn't sleep anymore. It had to have been because of my cold, because I didn't go to bed before 2AM last night.
I should be doing homework and cleaning, but instead I'm going to look around online and see if I can estimate the cost of a ticket to Oahu from here.
Saturday, March 8, 2003
Arf. Last night was ok, I'm just a paranoid little twit. I realized though, that I didn't tell you about the day before I got home and all the car madness ensued.
Mike and I spent all day lounging around his house. We got off school at 10:30AM for midterms. His little sis had gone over to her friends house, and his mom was obviously, at work, so it was just us. We lounged around, watched movies, bid on a few camera lenses on ebay, (he finally got one!) ate nachos and icecream, watched the Ring, took his sister's fat dog Sugarbear out for a little romp around the neighborhood, things like that. Just an all around lazy day.
Later that night, mom called and asked me to run to a fast food shop and pick up something for them to eat, so I did so, but picked up Mike something too. I ate with them, and drove back over to Mike's house, and while he ate I took a shower to get ready to go out.
We made our way downtown. It was a pretty big mess afterwards, because instead of entering "3 STREET" I entered "3 AVE" and before that anyway, I had him go north when he should have gone south. lol, I'm horrible at directions. But anyway, by luck I guess, we eventually found the place. Our teachers were having a show, as well as that whole downtown gallery scene. I don't know if I told you about this picture or not, but a while back Mike saw this picture of Marilyn Monroe pretending to shave. He thought he'd take the idea and attempt to mimic it with me. Well, his art/photo teacher asked for a copy of it a while back, he told me, "for a class." I was thinking regular highschool class. She was very sweet to me last night (everyone was, the two art teachers I didn't know even) and were like "And you're Mary! I don't know you at all but from the pictures of you," and she began a conversation about me. She told us that she was taking a gender studies course at ASU and needed to make a presentation sort of flier deal for it. She said she was going to use the picture Michael had taken, give him credit and everything, for that specific class. Pretty impressive, I think. She went on to talk about her piece and how she had needed...I didn't follow after that, a little out of my league, half in a sort of a daze. It was pretty neat. They're so supportive of him.
Anyway, Mike and I fought some that night, and I almost went home, I walked to my car, got in it, started it, when he came to the door, turned the egnition, took the keys, unbuckled my seat belt, and led me into the house. He apologized about the whole night, he'd been pretty unfair to me. I know I'm a bit much sometimes, but he had been pretty harsh. So we got that out of the way, and had a pretty good night after that. Everybody was home, Mike's mom, his aunt, his sis and her friend. They were finishing The Ring. I went home early because I was insanely tired. I'm getting sick again. Mike has it and it is EVERYWHERE on campus. A few of my classes sound like TB wards, people are coughing so much. It feels like I JUST got over it, but it's back, again.
No idea what I'm doing today, but I'm going to clean up the living room for mom, and call Mike to see what he's up to. Have a good day, guys.
Friday, March 7, 2003
I'm really kind of freaked out.. I was driving home, in my neighborhood, when I see this really erratic car driving down the street in the opposite direction fairly far from me. I hurry to pull onto my street and to be safe off the road, when I find this car sitting across the street with its lights on. I think nothing of it because, people are coming and going at this hour still, I mean I am, and it's semi-early for me, when they pull down the street to make a three-point-turn. Still, no big deal. It only begins to become a big deal when they wait dead center in the street so that their door is parallel to mine, with their window rolled down. I didn't notice until I had grabbed my things off the passanger seat, including my cell phone, what they had done. I went to open the door, spotted them, was unsure about what to do, or what they wanted, but thought it was probably some of my brother's friends, so I continue to open the door anway. Their window is down and they either ask me a.) Are you going to the Buzz with us or b.) Are you going to get buzzed with us? I say "nope", they slowly pull off, and I walk pretty fast to my garage to get it open. (The reason I think "The Buzz" is even an option is because it's a local club, bands have gigs there, etc, but it's in downtown Phoenix, or Tempe, at least a 20 or 30 min drive or more) My first reaction was to get to safety, but after that, walk directly to my brother's room to ask if he'd had friends over. He said no, none. I told him the story about the erractic car, and then the car of the boy, and he kept asking me questions like what did it look like, what kind of car, etc, I didn't know what to say, because i'd never seen a car like it before, and I was trying to fast to get inside. It was some sporty kind of car, but older, sort of with a slick back. Small, compact. I think it was either silver or had both silver and black on it. Not sure, but a little freaked out none the less. My brother said he'd make a couple of extra checks outside tonight, because he's usually up pretty late. I love my brother, and I'm starting to get weary of this coming home ten minutes to twelve thing, because I came home early, and shit happens. We'll see.
Monday, March 3, 2003
(Imagine hearing "We are the champions..." in the background)
I DID IT!! I wasn't sure I would make it, but I managed to turn in my portfolio today around 5 - 5:30pm, six pictures deep. I'm really excited. They weren't all amazing or anything, I had a lot of left over dust spots and a few burning and dodging discrepencies, but I'm amazed that I did it. I wish I wasn't such a bone head, it might take me less than running through 13 or so 8x10s until I finally get one that's semi-decent. Maybe one day.
I've been mulling over college and majors/minors lately. Is it possible to major in Spanish and minor in some sort of arts? I'm considering it, because I love both. My dad's always giving me little pep talks about being an interpreter, how much money they make, etc, which is not my main objective--I JUST DONT WANT TO BE MISERABLE. And I like Spanish, and I love art. I'm just not so good at Spanish. Good enough to enroll in 9-10 at my highschool, but that isn't saying much. I'll probably fail this course anyway. But, it's something to think about.
Mike's been really great about the whole thing. He's spent the last two or so weeks after school in the dark room with me. Granted, he's been printing himself, as well as today--he watched our photo teacher show a girl how to photograph her art pieces to try for a full ride scholarship into an art institute, which he was really interested in learning about. He's the resident prodigy photo one, he's got both his teacher and mine--the guy who started his own company at 19, has been a commercial photographer for years, makes great money, telling him he should have been moved up to at least photo two. And I've never heard him say that about anyone. Ever. I think I'm more excited about it than he is. But hey, somebody's gotta brag. What're girlfriends for? :)
Anyway, better go. Need to put together a crappy entry for my photo journal. I'll try and add my recent portfolio submissions to my Deviant Art account when I get them back, then I'll probably post the address here.
Saturday, March 1, 2003
Mike's (my boyfriend) Mom joined one of those match maker sites last night. She was filling out her profile when I brought Nikki home from spending an hour with me and her best friend playing cheesy arcade games at Peter Piper Pizza.
We had a good laugh about some of the comments posted, some of them grossed us out thinking about them in a context of MIKE'S MOM, but I think it's the new revolution, baby.
However, I made the mistake of making the announcement about how I saw this made-for-tv-movie once about a man signed up with one of these dating services would set up meetings with women, and then kill them. Nikki didn't like it too much after that.
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Today, was interesting. A little frustrating after school when I was trying to get into the darkroom to print; there was a surge in photo one's, and no enlargers open. When they were done, they wouldn't tell anyone, just leave; or have friends sign up enlargers for them, and then just never show up after school. So, needless to say I didn't get much done. Which worries me a bit, because the count down is officially TWO days until my six prints are due.
Mike had a dentist x-ray appointment, and I went with him and his sister to that. It surprisingly didn't take very long. We called in a favor of his friend Sanchez, and I photographed him afterward, in very little light. My light meter in my camera is also broken. I had to meter off Michael's, so I'm hoping things came out decent. I need to print two from this role by Friday, and make a decent one of my role with Ali, and then I'm set.
I ended the night off with a Mike photo adventure. While sitting in his appointment, apparently he was flipping through magazines, where he came across a picture in Vanity Fair. It was of Marilyn Monroe, apparently 'shaving' her face. An interesting concept; we looked for the magazine at Walgreens and Safeway, but it was a no go. They had every other magazine under the sun; any idea with what's up with not having Vanity Fair?
Because I hardly use makeup, especially eye makeup (a no-go zone for me, I can't usually handle anything near there), Mike employed his mom to do my makeup. She caked on foundation, mascara, blush, eyeshadow, etc, saying to show up well in black and white it had to be over-exaggerated.
I'm really interested in seeing these. We're using XP2 film, so I'm going on my lunch break to have them processed C41. Mike's going to pick them both back up on his lunch hour. (I heard it takes about 15 minutes to process C41?)
I'm very excited. I think I got some good shots, Sanchez is such a ham. We'll see.
But I really should try and do some more homework. Hope you all are having a good week.
EDIT: I forgot one thing. My aunt and uncle are stationed in Japan, and mom was talking to my aunt on the phone when I came home tonight. She came into my room later and told me that my aunt thinks I should visit this summer. Summer in Japan. On a port, base, fort, whatever it is they're on, but still? Can you believe it? I'm interested. I'm not sure what's going to happen to my hopes of going to Hawaii with Mike to visit his dad for a week, but who knows. I'm not going to be greedy. The only thing a bit scary; the military there and all of their dependents have been issued gas masks, just in case. So, I guess we'll see what happens.
Sunday, February 23, 2003
I know I've been super moody here lately, but I'm actually really happy. School's pretty much kicking my ass, but I'm turning eighteen this summer, my parents want to take me to Disney World, there's a chance I might be able to go to Hawaii--Mike's dad invited me it's now all about getting the OK and finding the money, I should have a job but I don't, but I will, and I'm really not sure. Things are just good. I'm trying to enjoy this while I can because a lot of my friends are seniors, they're going to be gone after this--one of my best friends, Antonnet, she's leaving me. Mike and I are going to be split up in a matter of a year, and I love that boy to death, he is my absolute best friend. We have the most fun together. Things are going to be really tough, but right now--RIGHT NOW, things are really, really good. I feel really lucky just to be living. I've somehow managed to stumble apon a friend's livejournal. She moved from Arizona to California to live with her dad in the summer of eight grade and I really haven't talked to her since, and she seems so happy. She has friends now, which is great, because everybody in grade school was a pissant to her. And I'm just really excited about that. I think moving in with her dad was the best choice she ever made. I don't know if I should let her know I'm reading though, or just let her go on with her life? I'm not sure how that would affect her, though I'd love to just let her know I'm so happy for her. Not sure, though. I'm thinking of posting on livejournal instead of here until I get some sort of layout up--but I've been saying I'd do that since I signed up for this thing. Once I get a semi-decent layout I'm gonna make Christina gobble me up.
Just because I'm in a good mood, and I feel like linking, here are some radtabulous sites:
Jessica who is wicked cool and needs to IM me sometime, Alexandra who I can identify with because she's had the same layout as long as I've been visiting her and is quite charming, Nicole who I admire for sticking to her guns, and Jenny who cracks me up.
Anyway, go visit them. They have no idea that I exist, so visit them, and keep them on their toes about where a few of their hits are coming from.
Anyway, off to do more work. xx
Sunday, February 23, 2003
OH! I didn't tell you guys. I won that self-portrait contest. WITH NO THANKS FROM YOU GUYS! Nobody emailed me anything. :( Bit dissapointing, but luckily I know about some really good photography on the web. So thanks Helena for helping me, even though you had no idea. Visit her. She's my favorite photographer, ever.
Sunday, February 23, 2003
School tomorrow. Woo boy, I'm excited. Note the sarcasm.
I'm kind of upset. I spent the day with Antonnet and Ashley because it had been a while, they wanted help picking out their prom dresses, and because I was supposed to shoot a roll for my photography deadline coming up soon, that I've been babbling on here nonstop about. I'd tried before hand to hang out with my boyfriend, maybe take him to lunch, but when I called, he was sleeping. When I called next, he was awake! but gone to help his aunt buy some mattresses. So finally, I come home to retrieve my cell phone I'd left at the house before, to head back to the mall with the two A girls to buy the dresses they'd left on hold at the store. There's a missed call, so I check it, and call my boyfriend back...He's mad at me because I hadn't shot, and there was an hour left of sunlight. When I explain what went on, he was still angry with me. He knows I've got this deadline that I've got to go six in on, etc, so he's been trying to make sure I stay on track. I dig that. But then we get into some little moody teenage fight about it, and I tell him "Fine, why don't you just go take another nap", so he does, and that's why I'm at home now that I'm done with the A twins.
This is all fine and good, except, I wanted to go over my proof's homework for math. I've got a test on them tomorrow, blah blah. Oh well.
I really need to get to work on my Spanish assignments, since I'm still not all caught up, but I really can't seem to be bothered at the moment. I think I'll start about 7:30pm. Yep, that's what I'll do...
Recap of the weekend: Friday night was great. Saturday, I saw Chicago. I really liked it. I wish I could have seen it on Broadway, though. Sunday: Prom dress MADNESS. Hope your weekends were swell.
Friday, February 21, 2003
I am such a moody bastard.
Monday, February 17, 2003
Very long weekend. Most of it was spent lounging around, sick, in my boyfriend's lap like a baby (Im so bad when I'm sick), some yelling from his mother about colleges, and so on. Mostly uneventful. I'm still sick, I feel dreadful, but I can't afford to miss any more school. My school's on one of those lame plans that state if you miss more than 5 class periods a semester the teacher can cancel your credit in said class. So, that's no good. The semester ends in May, though, so I'm not sure how this is going to work.
My old friend's grandmother came by on Saturday or Sunday. She had pictures to show me of my friend's baby. Britten. A little boy she'd had about a month or two ago. I had no idea she was pregnant, but it hadn't come as a surprise to me.
The other thing was my boyfriend telling me some one we know is having tests run to see whether or not he has cancer, because they can't figure out what else could possibly be wrong with him, and that he has no idea yet. We're definately hoping for him that its not.
Haven't done homework, but I'm too tired to care. SAT scores came back today. I did horrible, but I guess I should have expected it. A horrible math student, with no studying before hand whatsoever, how great did I think I could do?
Goodnight.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Arf. Valentine's Day is officially over. It had its ups and downs for me. The ups were really amazing and the downs weren't so bad, so over all, a pretty good day. Hope you all can say the same.
However the day did seem to stretch on forever, so I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight amigos.
Thursday, February 13, 2003
It's pouring outside. It's been like this all week. Thank you, California.
I've been super busy. (And saying 'super' a lot.) I'm trying to catch up in my photo class, I'm currently failing in there, because I didn't turn in my first three submissions, so for this second one, I've got to go six deep. SIX. It takes me 13 prints sometimes to get it right. My friends and photo teacher are convinced I can do it, so I'm going to try.
My Spanish class is seriously kicking my ass, but that's a whole other story.
Tomorrow's Valentine's Day, and for once I've got a valentine, so that's exciting. We're just going to dinner, and then going to buy each other something afterward. From there we're supposed to head over to our close friend's birthday 'get together.' On Saturday morning I'm supposed to be up by 7AM to rush over to my boy's house to watch the premier of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with him in our pajamas.
Basically, there's a bunch of other boring shit, but being a three day weekend, I'm sure I'll have time to write about it later.
What're your plans for tomorrow? Any?
xxx
Thursday, February 6, 2003
Okay guys, if you didn't notice, I've been home a couple of days. But what I'm really here for....
I need a little help. Every semester my photo teacher holds a contest. The contest is to bring in a few self portraits of ANYONE--anywhere on the net, in a magazine, etc, that is pretty damn cool, original, interesting, etc. They can be from anything, by anyone, as long as they're moderately school appropriate. If you know of any cool shots online, or have any yourself, email me with a URL. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I'm mega interested. You see, the prize is a free cable release. I ALMOST won last year, this rich girl (oh I'm so jealous) had ONE...ONE! more vote than me, and won it instead. So please, please, please help me win this year!
Any and all suggestions are open, don't be shy!
Clarification; "school appropriate" means no blatantly obvious "naughty parts" etc.
THANKS!
Friday, January 31, 2003
I've been up since 4:20AM respectively (thanks to the snooze button),and I decided to do the Friday Five before I left this morning. We're leaving pretty soon for the airport, all that 'be there two to three hours before' bull.
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
I can't remember my favorite, but I loved She-ra, that live Batman and Robin show, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not sure why, they were just rad and exciting at the time.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
I'm not sure, I don't ever remember wanting much. We were a little military family back then, I didn't know much, because we didn't have much. I probably wanted every little thing that was on a commercial, though.
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Hm, New York or Baltimore, I guess. (I live in Arizona.)
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Well, I still suck at guitar. I'm in AP Spanish 9-10 at school, but I suck at it. I can't give it up because I love the language so much, but I can't speak it for shit. As in, have any semblance of a conversation with a native speaker. I never really understood while being superclose to Mexico, we're still taught more Spain-area Spanish. And yes, there is a bit of a difference.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
To fly to New York today (south of Rochester), see my family, go to a funeral for my grandmother on Sunday, and then fly back Monday. Not so fun.
Thursday, January 30, 2003
I'm updating from my boyfriend's house, and I've got to be quick because he's not here yet, and I've been hogging their one phone line this entire time. So, I'll make this brief.
My grandmother died yesterday. She was a sweet old lady. Tomorrow around 6 AM-ish, I'll be up in the air on my way to New York. I'll be back on Monday probably around 5:30pm. So don't expect any updates, I may try to upload something tonight, but, we'll see.
Christina, take care. Everybody go visit her while I'm gone. <3
Friday, January 24, 2003
If you get a chance, check out vivalarevolution.com. They've got some amazing photography there. Yet another person to compare myself too. But really, it's fantastic.
I had a bit of a break down today. I don't really want to go into it, but it was pathetic. Talk about being stressed out. My councilor's mentioned the fact that I have enough credits to graduate in December. For once, I'm actually considering it.
SAT's tomorrow, I'm going to probably try and review a bit for the first time tonight. I'm screwed, but, shit happens. I can always take it again later.
I'm off.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Argh, I hate being screwed.
I'm supposed to correct my Spanish composition, but my teacher handed us all out a symbols paper, to let you know what exactly all these tiny little red marks mean. Yeah, well, I can't find that. I know I let a friend of mine borrow it (it was all in Spanish, she was going over what each thing meant in English, and I wrote most of them down) to copy down, but I could have sworn she gave it back to me as soon as she was done in class. So, I can't correct it. Luckily I've got Spanish the last hour of the day, so I'm hoping I can see someone inbetween then, and borrow their paper, and figure out how the hell to fix it. We'll see.
I just remembered too, that I'm supposed to take some online test for that class...shit. Oh well, I'll get to it soon. Everything else has been turned in late, how will one more hurt?
So, anyway, tonight was another night of helping out the wrestlerettes. At the scoring table, they had me on timing again. Kingman had spent four hours to come down and duel our guys, and they couldn't even bother to get the names on their sheets right. So, tempers were flying, directed at us, and there really wasn't our fault. That, and a few of the ref's were mixing things up, he'd hold up two fingers with the red arm on his wrist, then we'd get yelled at every once in a while because he should have held them up for green. Etc, etc.
You know how it goes.
So, during the wrestling match anyway, something a bit interesting happened. I found out that our school newspaper wants to do a story on my boyfriend. Not on the wrestling team, solely my boyfriend. I happened upon this information because as I was sitting there timing tonight at the scoring table, a girl I've seen around before but never spoken a word to, was standing over me. I'm not trying to evesdrop, but she's right above me, and I hear "now I need to take a picture of Mike -----." So, being the little snot that I am, I turn around, and say, "You need a picture of my boyfriend Mike -----?" I was just giving her a hard time, it was kind of amusing hearing some random girl say that. I thought maybe she was one of his admirers. He's a cute boy. ;) But after that, she said, "Oh, he's your boyfriend?" and immediately turned and walked away. So, hm. Maybe she was a fan after all? ;)
Not too bad of a night, I guess, but I was hoping to be in bed by 9pm. Though I was starving and Mike's mom was good enough to go out and get us all something to eat, so that I had a hot meal waiting when I met him at his house. Which is great, cos, there's hardly anything in our kitchen. Mom just got back from NY, obviously, grams isn't doing too well. I saw the pictures. Then I cried. :/
Anyway, I'm out for tonight. Goodluck with things Christina! (She's gonna host me some day, just you watch. ;))
Monday, January 20, 2003
So, I'm going to school early tomorrow morning. My boyfriend doesn't know, so I'll just show up at his door early. If he'd have bothered to call me back like he said he'd do, then, he'd know. Oh well.
A friend of mine is sad and depressed one minute, things are getting better the next, only to see things as hopefless and worthless the next day. Anyway, he's been talking about suicide a lot to other people lately, and I've been worried. So tonight, I hop online, and bam--I get this long story about how he's been depressed for three years, thought about death, tried to take too many pills, etc. I just told him it's time. It's time to do something about it, and he could either work with me on it, or I could call his dad, and they could do something about. He's agreed to talk to my councilor tomorrow, assuming we can get an appointment, and I'm going to do anything in my power to make sure we get one. I've known her forever, she was my 7th grade English teacher, so I'm guessing she'd be better to go to than his councilor. I don't even know who they are on a personal level, and I doubt they know him.
I'll probably be cutting my AP Spanish class to be seen but hey, this takes priority.
I'm hoping this goes well.
Wish me luck.
Monday, January 20, 2003
I've been super busy. That's right, super. On Friday and Saturday I was gone from before 7am until roughly around 8 or 9pm both nights. I was helping my friend who is the president of the "Wrestlerettes" at our school. (Or "mat maids," depending on where you go to school.) She asked me to help out because it was a big two day tournament with something like 16 schools wrestling, and she needed some more reliable girls. And, you know, my boyfriend's a wrestler. He took second place. :)
Anyway, today is the day mom gets back from NY. Around 5 or 6pm, I think. I've spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry, and I've still got a ton of things to clean up, homework to do, people to call about shooting (I've got this idea for my friends empty pool), and errands to run with Mike.
So, I better get to it. It's nearly 2:30 and I haven't even showered yet. Just thought I'd update since its been days.
xx
Saturday, January 11, 2003
I yell a lot (at my parents) and pick my nose. I'm a mean person. I really don't have very much else to say.
Saturday, January 4, 2003
Have you heard of anything more stupid? My mom gives me a list of errands to run, one of which includes taking the dvd's back to the video store. My brother happens to be right there, and hands me the dvd's. I get home, thinking I am done, and guess what my brother tells me when I ask him to help me unload the car?
"You have to take the dvds back"
"I already TOOK them back."
"No, you didn't, dad took them out last night and put them all into the dvd player."
"I took fucking CASES back to the video store? I'm NOT going back!"
Gah. There was four of them. We've got a 5 system dvd player, where you can store five in at one time. Does it make sense to put ALL of the rented dvds in there, though? ALL of them?
Has this ever happened to any of you?
Focusing on the good: I'm meeting Mike's mom at their house at 9:15pm sharp, and we're driving to the airport at 9:30pm. His flight's supposed to be in around ten.
Friday, January 3, 2003
I have these special powers. I can poke my tummy so far out, that it looks like I'm pregnant. Then again, it's kind of disturbing, so maybe they're not such magical powers. I know a few other girls that can do it, though. Try it. You know you want to. My boyfriend wishes he could. He tries, but it doesn't work. neener neener. I think it's a girl thing.
Friday, January 3, 2003
Aw, guys, Mary got her first cavity at the age of seventeen. I'm not sure why, but I had this little running goal that I would make it until 18. Oh well. I'm getting it filled next Saturday. Does it hurt?
Friday, January 3, 2003
I figured I'd do the Friday Five well, because I'm a loser. Just like everybody else. ;)
1. Do you wear any jewelry? What kind?
Yeah, I wear a necklace or a choker or two. I've been wearing mostly though my boyfriend's Hawaiian name plate necklace.
2. How often do you wear it?
I switch between things off and on, when I can remember to. I've been wearing this one nearly all week.
3. Do you have any piercings? If so, where?
Yeah, I do, but only in my ears. I'm a bit tame, I guess.
4. Do you have any tattoos? If so, where?
No, none.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Well, today I've got a dentist appointment, I need to send out Christina's gift, and then tongiht I'm going to see Gangs of NY. Tomorrow my boyfriend comes home, (:D), so I'll be hanging out with him.
Thursday, January 2, 2003
TV's been my company lately. I haven't washed my face in a day, and New Years Eve, as mom was getting ready to go over to her older friend's house, I walked in on her getting dressed. She wears her underwear inside out. She had an explanation and everything. I wonder if I'm going to be like her when I'm older.
Wednesday, January 1, 2003
I take that back. Tonight wasn't all bad, thanks to Kiran's bitching, Christina being online and making me smile, and Michael surpring me by calling five minutes before; when I had thought all hope was lost. It was actually really nice.
I love you guys. Hopefully your night was enjoyable, no matter how little or how largely you celebrated. :)
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
It's New Years Eve Day, and I'm in a really bad mood. Happy New Years Eve my ass. I just spent an hour in the lame Blockbuster knock off, Hollywood Video. The way they organize the merchandise in that paticular store is rediculous. I spent nearly an hour searching for a few certain selections, then once I found something decent (the videos on the get-your-attention rack are deathly old), it took me ages just to find Final Fantasy for my brother. Drama? No. Sci-Fi? No. ANIMATION all the way on the other side of the store? YES. Gah, losers. The service was really nice to me today, though, so that was good.
My relatives are finally gone. Hellalujah! Don't get me wrong, I love them, but they get on my nerves. My aunt is the most kind, and considerate woman in the world. It's just that she is also THE slowest woman. I think that has something (not to sound racist AT all) to do with her ethnicity and background. She's from Mexico, lived in Mexico until, well, I'm not really sure, but I know she did attend university there. In general the hispanic pace of life is a lot slower than our American version generally. So, that wasn't really any problem. But one of my cousins! Gah. Without my uncle here (he's in Kuwait serving in the Army), there is no controlling that boy. He acts like he's on speed or at least has ADD, or something. He managed to destroy the cover to our spa and get caught searching for "pourn" on my brother's computer. Ha. Oh, the life of a twelve year old. ;)
What're you doing to celebrate tonight? Me? Oh, I'm doing nothing. Probably just sitting at home, watching videos with my brother. It's better than nothing, but I really miss my boyfriend. He's still in New Orleans visiting his dad who flew up there, and his aunt's family. He and his sister are having a pretty good time, so I'm happy for them. I think he gets back the night of the fourth.
School starts back up the 6th, I think. Speaking of school, I picked up my PSAT results from the guidance office at school today. I didn't do so hot. My math score was PATHETIC. But at least I've learned to laugh at myself. My verbal and what was the other? Writing? Weren't that bad. Not as good as I'd like, but, I'll have to keep working at it. And that reminds me...I need to sign up for the SAT and ACT while I'm thinking of it.
See ya lovelies. I'll try to update more from now on.
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
I'm heading out in a few to brave the mall with my mom and aunt. I don't know what they're thinking, it's going to be a suicide mission. My aunt and two cousins came in yesterday from El Paso, they're staying with us for a week or so. My auntie can barely stand it when my uncle's deployed. He's somewhere around Saudi, I think. He was sent out the day before thanksgiving.
Anyway, It's Christmas Eve Day. I'm going over to Michael's tonight, to do their annual thing with them. His mom asked to make sure it would be all right if she stole me from my family for a few hours. Apparently with them, all of the family goes over to one household, they eat, hang out, etc, then later in the night one of the adults takes all of the kids out to look at Christmas lights. While that's going on, Santa makes a special stop to their household, and delivers all of the presents. When they come back, they open them. I thought it was interesting.
"Wouldn't that sort of ruin the whole Santa Christmas morning procedure?"
"No, it wouldn't ruin procedure, because that's the only way it's ever been for kids in our family. They don't know the procedure."
Anyway, I thought it was sweet. Hopefully that goes well. I've met most of his family already, minus a few aunts and uncles, and well, his father. His parents are split. But they're leaving Wednesday--Christmas--to New Orleans where his dad's going to visit with his relatives, so I wont be meeting him once again. Oh well, though. I'm mostly scared to anyway. :/
This is the first time I've had five minutes to sit down and collect my thoughts in days. Now that I think about it, I've got loads to do. Emails to send out, gifts to mail (they're gonna be way late, sorry guys :(), snail mail to reply to. It'll all be done after Christmas. I promise. :D
Christina's present arrived here yesterday. I love you babe! Yours will get there eventually. Hopefully just without being opened, like yours was. !
Anyway, I'm off. xx
Monday, December 16, 2002
Today's been a pretty good day. My first hour was a bit rediculous though. I'm not anywhere near a Chemistry enthusiast, but my chemistry teacher did two of the dumbest things that really had me wondering what the hell he was thinking. Instead of reviewing for our final, he has us do shitty worksheets about things that aren't even on the final, and watch a physic class's final. (They had to make little cars and sit in them and see how far they go from the top of a ramp.) I've got about a "C" in the class, and I suck in it. The last thing I want to be doing is worthless shit that isn't going to help me. I need to get at least a "C" on my final to keep the worthless "C" I have in the class. Gah. fjdjfkdls. I don't understand people's logic, sometimes.
The rest of the day was pretty normal. Second hour a crying fit erupted from some of the girls and spread like a disease. It was fairly strange. I find girls so strange sometimes, even though I can be overtly emotional aswell, depending. I guess it's just not normally in a class setting.
Last hour was the shit. (ha.) It was pretty hectic, another writing assesment, and turning in a bunch of assignments that I couldn't find. But my gradeschool friend, Eddie, had given my boyfriend earlier in the day a ticket to see the new Lord of the Rings movie. At the very end of the period, when I needed a little pick me up, he hands me one aswell. Sweet guy. :) I guess it was like a Christmas present to his friends, or something. And I never really thought he liked me much. I'm a pretty annoying kid on the whole, I must admit.
But yes. That is my story, and another useless entry. The end.
[EDIT] In other news, I just noticed mom packing my dad's suitcase. I nearly forgot that he was going to Atlanta tomorrow for the funeral on Wednesday. His sister died.
Friday, December 13, 2002
I just have one thing to say...
CHRISTINA HAS BEEN ACCEPTED INTO FLORIDA!!!
(Christina has been accepted into Florida :D)
Friday, December 13, 2002
Shit, guys. So many people are dying/not expected to live much longer/sick in my little corner of the world. It's insane. In all of my life previous to this combined (all 17 years, I know, but still) I haven't had death this closely affect me before.
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Mar'jon (<3<3) had gummy penis snacks today. They made me laugh. Apparently you can get them at Spencers. ;)
and I've been talking with Jess over email the past few days. Not only is she hot, but she's damn cool to talk to, also. :) xx
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
You people need to update more. I've got this big research paper due Friday, so I need more distractions.
If your site is on my favorites list, I have checked it probably four times in the last..half an hour. ;)
Sunday, December 8, 2002
I've come across a few entries online, in two totally non-related people's journals, mentioning something or other in effect about how Russian girls are hot and desirable.
I don't know too many Russian girls, and would just like to state however that the Romanian girls I know are definately way hott.
Oh, that, and my boyfriend apparently is suffering amnesia and currently must not be able to remember how to pick up the phone, and dial my number. Oh yes, that better be it.
The end.
Sunday, December 8, 2002
Yesterday felt like the world was coming to an end. On Friday, my boyfriend's family found out that his grandfather probably only has about a year to live. He's been on oxygen tanks for years, has had some stays in the hospital lately, and Friday they found out that he really only has about 1/8th lung capacity. On Friday I found out that my grandmother was sent home with an oxygen tank (her biopsy had proven she did indeed have lung cancer which had spread from the cancer in her breast they thought they had removed) and was told to actually eat, and beef herself up for the chemo she will need as soon as she's healthy.
On Saturday, Mike's mom (bf) was having pretty bad pains in her stomach. She'd started getting them Friday night, but took a pain killer and went to sleep. On Saturday we were amazingly busy with attending Mike's wrestling tournament, and on top of that during breaks she had to take care of her father. Well, later that night were the finals matches. She hung in there to watch Mike's match, and soon after he was given his medal (3rd in his weight class), she had to leave. We didn't hear anything after that for a while, Mike's aunt and little sister had gone with her. We thought they were taking her home to rest--they hadn't been successful to convince her to go to the ER earlier that day), and Mike and I stay to watch the rest of his teammates wrestle. He's sitting up in the stands with me, when one of the other mom's gets a call on her cell phone. It's Mike's aunt, calling to say that they were in the ER, and his mom wanted one of us to come pick up his little sister. So I did that--I had a hard time finding it, so I was a bit late--but I hugged her mom, picked Nikki up, and then since we couldn't get ahold of Mike on his cell phone and didn't know the number of the other mother, we went to the neighboring high school where the tournament was being held, to make sure he knew I'd gotten her and his mom was in pain but was in the right place.
Driving Nikki back home to her house, my cell phone rang. It was my mom calling to tell me that at my neighbor's house, there had been an ambulance earlier that night. An older woman lived with her ailing mother. That night her mother had died.
Eventually when Mike got home, Nikki and I were inside waiting. None of us had eaten since earlier that day--and Mike hardly anything in a few days, so we called Mike's aunt and asked what she wanted us to do about the food situation. She was starving, too, so we ran to Burger King, and back over to the hospital. We ate in there, to visit with his mom, but the smell of the food was making her nauseous, so we left. I dropped the kids off around 11:30pm, they crashed on the couch, I turned the lights off, made sure Nik knew she could call me today if she needed anything, and left.
I'm about to call over there, and see if they've got any updates. I really need to get over to school, get a folder from my locker (pray some gate is unlocked), and get to researching at the library. I've got half of a huge paper to write by Friday. A research paper, which we've had months to do. I've got 30 pages to read for history, too. Gah. I'm really stressed out, but I don't have a choice, it will all get done.
Oh, and we missed the exhibition Friday night, that some of Mike's work was in. I'm still dissapointed about that. He really wanted to go, but he had to cut weight for the next day, and due to miscommunication, I didn't find out the two of us weren't going to be able to go together, otherwise I would have driven down there myself. But I'm sure there'll be other times.
Thursday, December 5, 2002
Christina wrote this poem for me. It is the best EVER.
Mary, O, Mary
Bestest friend of mine
Thank you for being there
And listening to me whine
The fact that you can still stand me
Is very much a shock
But your reward for this will be
A brand spankin new qok
I appreciate your friendship
And how well you understand
You'll be maid of honor
When I make Craig David my man
So here's a toast to Mary
My dearest special friend
I'll be here for you
Whenever I can!
Wednesday, December 4, 2002
My grandmother had her biopsy the other day. Yesterday the test results came back, confirming everything we were afraid of. She does indeed have lung cancer, and it is for sure bits of the breast cancer she had (it was believed to be removed) that has spread. She will be starting chemotherapy soon.
Mom didn't cry this time, though. At least not by the time she informed me.
I'm scared.
Sunday, December 1, 2002
I don’t know about yours, but my mom never openly talked to me about sex. I can remember the day, however, that she had somebody else do it for her. Steven, my best friend who lived across the street, was being raised by his grandparents. It was a regular, routine night when my brother and he were being driven to Boy Scouts by either my dad or his grandfather. Except for this night, mom, Jane (his grandmother), and I piled into our minivan too, and they told me we were going to see someone speak at the library. Speak at the library? It seemed weird to me, because I thought people were only allowed to read at the library. I can’t remember how old I was, but I think I had to have been in 6th or 7th grade, because that was when Van (read: Vaughn) and I had gotten extremely close, and I remember a few days after this showing her how a tampon worked by placing it under running water, and watching it expand like we had been told to.
We proceeded into this medium size auditorium, but it seemed enormous at the time. It enclosed the most girls I’d seen in one place who were sitting down, and more coming in through the double doors. This was a part of the library I’d never known existed before. I don’t remember how old the presenters were, just that there were two of them. In my minds eye, I picture them as middle aged, gray haired ladies, but I don’t imagine they’d have been that old.
They skirted the issues of sex, and of course sex after marriage, about boy parts and girl parts, what happens after sex with childbirth, but mostly explained how we were going to be changing in the next couple of years, and about how to deal with it. That it was ok to be sad and moody when something called our “period” came around, and the things used to hide and plug up the fact that we were turning into women. They answered questions, too, I remember one girl asking whether or not a woman would remove a tampon during childbirth, or let it ‘stay in.’ I can’t remember if that was another girls question, or mine, because I was too shy and embarrassed to ask any of my own, and I think my mom was, too. I’d ask her a question and all she could say was “raise your hand and ask!” no matter how many times I pleaded with her to do it for me. But that was only once. After that, I kept everything to myself and hoped one of my peers would have the guts.
As parting gifts, they gave us tampons and told us to hold them under running water, which I did of course, twice. Van and I giggled in the bathroom with the door shut about how much it would hurt, and how we were never going to use one, even if our life depended on it. I then buried it in the trash, and I think we went to watch cartoons.
Mom never talked about it again. Sex Ed. was taught in school a year later, but everything else I’d learned from my brother’s and his older friend’s mouths or from finding dad’s porn.
America the liberated?
Saturday, November 30, 2002
I stopped paying attention to the news and you. Sometimes you have the audacity to try and hurt me just as much.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Pending.
New entires soon, (the rest have been archived) and hopefully a new layout. xx
(Maybe one day I'll be hosted?)